Alright, sit down and follow me through my probably most interesting and unexpected Tinder hook-up.
It happened last year that I gave Tinder a shot and it didn’t take long till I had the first matches. One of them clearly stood out cause he wore a suite (kink is kink is kink) and was nicely blunt, telling me he liked my short hair and my big booty – in a non-fetishising way which is rare these days.
After a quick time we exchanged numbers, talked about sex and as we touched the BDSM topic he started to become more and more outgoing. I was clearly interested because my short trips into the BDSM kingdom have been short, submissive and definitely pleasurable so I was keen to explore more.
Creating the Session
To be honest, it’s always a bit scary to meet new people for sex without grabbing a pint first to see if we really click and I hardly engage in these encounters anymore. But well, he was interesting, we both were keen and I already felt safe because he clearly was experienced and if I would have had any doubts or concerns he would have gave me the chance to meet up first.
But what was it that made me feel safe, you ask? It was the early mentioning of safe words and limits, of fantasies which didn’t put pressure on both of us and the scrupulously precise session planning. We made sure that we both know what happens at which time, from him entering my flat till leaving again, and that we both were completely comfortable with everything happening.So he asked, how I would like to be spanked, if it were okay for me if he used his belt or if I’d prefer hand spanking only and so on. My no was accepted and his suggestions weren’t pushy. We also exchanged names and addresses, I did a short Google research and he clearly was an existing person.
Everything went smooth and we agreed on meeting up at one at my flat so I could explore my devote side a bit. Well, at least this was the attention.
Domme Sweet Domme
We only had a few hours left till we wanted to meet up when I mentioned that I, at some point, would like to explore my dominant side. And he immediately was into this idea which I didn’t expect at all. Sure, he mentioned that he’s a switch but I clearly underestimated his need for some sub time.
So I agreed to change the whole setting even though I was a bit sceptic if I really could be a domme. I guess, sometimes you have to dive into the fear to learn something about these little things which are giving you a nice shiver every time you think about them.
He knew that I had no experiences as a domme and he was understanding and patient to create the safe space I needed within our session. It even involved my beloved flatmate Katrin (with her consent, of course) which also gave me a bit more confidence. I won’t be alone. I will be safe. I will have fun.
I had about one hour to get ready and so I brought my inner domme to life – with darker makeup than usual and that one neck holder dress with faux leather applications I actually never wear cause it’s too…domme. I managed to calm myself down but Katrin had far less chill. “What if he comes here to kill us? It’s even more convenient as he can kill two people at once!” So she took all he knifes from the kitchen to her room just in case he was going to stab us. I didn’t mention that he probably would have brought his own knife if he was after murdering someone. And then the doorbell rang.
I opened, went straight back to Katrin’s room and gave him the time we arranged beforehand so he could undress and blindfold himself.
Katrin and me were more than excited – cause hell, there’s a stranger in our flat who (hopefully) prepared himself to get a sweet, sweet punishment. Three minutes had passed, I took a deep breath and stepped into the living room. And there he was – the naked, blindfolded man with whom I now was supposed to play. I was shaking because this whole situation amused me because it was so unconventional for me but I also was nervous as hell.
Here I now have to mention that having a strict session plan helps a lot to keep focused and to sweep away fear and insecurity, especially if someone is doing this for the first time. So you actually know what you’re going to do, when you’re going to do it and what equipment you need. This on the one hand-made the whole session predictable for him as he knew that he won’t have to expect something he couldn’t bear and for me there was no need to improvise which prevented my mind from going blank and ensured a safe environment.
So I stuck to the script and gave him that kind of humiliation and physical pain he obviously was craving. And shall I tell you something? I liked it. I liked my role and I liked being in charge a lot. Especially the spanking part (yay to belts and nicely shaped hair brushes) gave me an interesting kind of satisfaction – not necessarily in a sexual way but being in charge really pushed some hidden buttons. And I truly underestimated the joy of getting pictures of a bruised butt on the next day.
I spare you more details here but this was the time my inner domme awoke and she got a few more opportunities to play with him so she could grow. But playing with him never got me off or caused sexual pleasure.
By now I discovered that I need more than just a plain spanking session to feel sexually aroused. Connecting dominance and sex is part of the journey and part of the fun – and also doesn’t mean that I’ll never spank someone, hell no! It’s too much fun! It just means, that sexuality is complex, diverse and worth to discover! There’s always more to explore and more to learn – about kinky things, vanilla things, communication things, pleasure things and so so so much more.